how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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