well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
