Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
