I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
