I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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