girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize