Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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