There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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