I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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