She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
