hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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