Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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