we made out on top of his cat.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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