i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just found puke in my bra..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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