I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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