Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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