I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
