I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
