I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
