you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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