just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He shit in the fireplace
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
