I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
