I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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