peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
