Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
