I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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