Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
