It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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