There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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