Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
