this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
