It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
