Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
