I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
and you fell through a lawn chair
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
