So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
