I cannot find my penis.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
