I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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