i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i believe in u and ur pee
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
