I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
