two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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