She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
