you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
