grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
