you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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