im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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