You're so nebulous sometimes
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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