I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
