just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
