You're my little dorito
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
