Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
