billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
