I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
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Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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