Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
