i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
