I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
