Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
