plz talk dirty to me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
